Say What You Mean!

I pulled into the driveway to see my husband mowing the lawn. A wave and smile let him know I was home, so I walked into the house, ready to take a break. Although it was mid-afternoon, I had not had a chance to grab some lunch, so I settled on a small mug of soup and a few crackers. I then went off to his office to enjoy lunch and work on the computer. A few minutes later I heard the door open and yelled a greeting to my husband. As we spoke, I stayed working on the computer and having a conversation with him in another room. All of a sudden, he appeared at the door and said in a calm voice, “I really feel frustrated when you yell from another room instead of coming out to join me.” I smiled, turned off the computer and came out to join him. That interaction kept me smiling most of the afternoon. It was a very different exchange than one that would have taken place when we were first married. Instead in this instance, he spoke of his feelings in a calm tone which I heard and then after apologizing, joined him.

In earlier years, I may have responded, “Do you mind if I take a break?!” And he would have never said anything, but it would have bothered him. This way of communicating has taken years to cultivate and has dramatically changed our relationship and how we let each other know how we are feeling by saying what we mean.

This took both of us looking in the mirror and assessing how we came across and finding ways to openly discuss what we were feeling. Too often people stuff their feelings and then they come out sideways at a later date. There are a number of things that need to occur.

First, both parties need to work on the relationship. Next it is important to take a real look at what you are saying and how you are saying it. Next, there must be a level of trust between the parties so people feel safe to be vulnerable. Finally, each person needs to take time to listen to what the other is saying and give them a chance to speak their truth.

When these things occur, trust builds and the quality of the relationship dramatically improves. It can be difficult to be authentic, but not impossible if both parties are willing to do the work. Take time to work on yourself and your relationships and make sure many of these characteristics are in place. The payback is amazing!

Your challenge this week is to take time to assess areas of your communication that may need work and find someone willing to help you improve on your approach.