Undermining Trust through Triangulation

All too often, people fail to communicate directly to the person with whom they have an issue. Instead, they complain to a co-worker. This causes many problems including:

  • The person with whom you have a problem may not know there is an issue
  • The employee with whom you complain may now have a negative picture of the person
  • Nothing has changed between you and the person with whom you struggle

It is important that you learn to address issues directly. Even though people may be uncomfortable having difficult conversations, it is a skill that with practice can become much easier.

Start with how you frame your conversation with the other person. You can say, “In an effort to improve both of our abilities to function more effectively at work, I would like to speak with you about ways you think that could be achieved.” By letting the person know the desired outcome, he or she may be more willing to sit down with you. If they do, thank them and take time to listen to their perspective of the difficulties. Listen to understand not just to respond! Then work together in a calm tone to try to resolve the issue.

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