Where to Start to Improve Your Relationships 

All too often people look toward others to improve their relationships. If only he or she would stop… or if only they would change the way they behave! The irony is the only way to change a relationship is to look in the mirror and see what you might change. Before you quit reading, allow me to expand on what I mean. Years ago, when I first met my husband, I decided I was going to fix him! He had just returned from fighting a war and was very angry. Let me just say, my vision of changing him fell flat and it almost cost us our marriage.  

The only person you can change is yourself and when you try to change others it often ends in resentment. 

Every relationship you have is like a dance. You act and react to one another and even say the same things over and over again. Do you know the definition of insanity? It is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  

Work on Yourself First! 

If you want different results, change the behaviors which are not benefiting your relationship. You can only do this by looking in the mirror at your own behavior and seeing what might be causing issues in your relationships. This journey of self-awareness is key, and changing your behavior will influence others to do the same.  

This often seems like the wrong place to start for many people, but once I identified behaviors I was doing and chose to make some changes, our relationship began to improve. Warning however, when you initially change behaviors do not be surprised if the other person tries to get you to go back to your old ways. It may not be what they want, but it is what they know, and usually has a sense of comfort, even if dysfunctional.  

Ask Yourself the Right Questions 

So, step one is to pay attention to yourself. What is the reaction of others around you when you behave in a particular manner? If they do something to upset you, how do you react? Do you often say the same thing to others even if it doesn’t bring about the behavior you desire?  

Work on what you can control first rather than focusing on what you want others to change. Real progress occurs when we look inward and make a commitment to change. 

If nothing changes, nothing changes!