Communicating Openly with People Who Don’t  

People are often raised in homes where feelings are not expressed and, at times, shamed when they are. For this reason, people grow up stuffing their emotions and avoiding conversations in general. If you work or live with someone who struggles with this, it’s important to approach these individuals with empathy. Start by working to create a safe space and communicate in a manner that shows you’re interested in what they have to say. Try and be willing to understand people with perspectives that differ from yours. Remember that to engage a person, you must help them know they matter.   

When meeting with someone who dislikes sharing their feelings, the key is building trust. This is essential to helping them open up and share their feelings. You must come from a non-judgmental place and give them your full attention. This includes eye contact, open body posture, as well as listening attentively to them. Make sure you are listening to understand, not just respond. You mustn’t interrupt them. Show them you value their viewpoint, even though it may differ from yours. If they choose to discuss their feelings, validate them, and let them know their feelings are normal.  

Encourage them to speak openly and honestly and assure them you will not judge them for how they feel. Share your own feelings and times you struggled with sharing yours openly with others. Gently prod them to open up by asking questions such as, “Can you help me understand what caused you to feel that way?” Then just be quiet and give them space. Don’t jump to fill in the silence.  

You can also show empathy by putting yourself in their shoes. Don’t jump to conclusions or offer solutions; listen. Let the person know they’re not alone and offer support. Suggest they seek additional help and share if you’ve sought professional help in the past. Professional counseling was the best gift I gave myself years ago, and I freely share that with others.   

Above all, be patient and supportive. Remember that some of these behaviors were learned long ago and will take some time to undo. By being patient, you can help the person to express their feelings gradually. In the end, this will be a win for both of you. 

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