Communication Elevation

How do you improve the way you communicate and how do you know when it is necessary to do so? A key indicator is that your relationships are strained and you are the common denominator. I once coached a woman who told me how difficult the people with whom she worked with were at 3 different locations. As she discussed the issues they had a similar tone and the issues were the same. When I questioned why the same issues kept arising in different places, she became defensive. She started to justify and tell me how her co-workers at each place would agree. In this case, I suggested that until she was willing to look in the mirror, nothing would improve.

If you are not satisfied with the quality of your relationships it is up to you to make some changes. The first step to change is awareness. Becoming more aware of how you come across and the reaction of people around you is the first step. Instead of being defensive, take stock of how people act around you. In addition, listen to the tone of your voice. Is it harsh when you are around people with whom you do not get along? How about your body language? Are the words you say reinforced with your tone and body or not? When your words do not align with your body language and tone, people believe your body every time.

Next, find someone you trust and ask them for their opinion of you and your interactions with others. Make sure it is someone you trust and one who will tell you what you need to hear as opposed to what they think you want to hear. Let them talk without interruption and take time to think about what they have told you. If appropriate ask for examples of what they are seeing.

Next, let people know you are working on your communication skills. It is important because when they see behavior changes they will judge them based on their current perception of you. By letting them know you can say, “I am working on how I come across in my communication, so if you see me changing my approach that is why.” You can even ask for feedback if you like.

When it comes to improving relationships, the best tool is a mirror. Look at yourself and determine what you are doing that may be causing difficulty and make changes. It will be a win-win situation for you as well as others in your life.