How I Turned Things Around!

If your life is not what you would like it to be, the time comes to look inward, not outward at circumstances. Most often people do not realize that the life they live they created. That does not mean that people do not have challenges that cause frustrations, it merely means you need to find a way to grow through the challenges, and find how you are keeping yourself stuck. I, for one, understand how beliefs can hold you back, and how to turn things around.

My parents were really good people, hardworking and honest, and yet their parents did not give them the skills to support me emotionally. I grew up struggling with self-esteem issues and feeling never good enough. This is not about blame, but understanding what happened to cause me to develop that belief. I often felt invisible and found that by becoming a clown, I could get attention, so that is the role I took.

In high school, I did not do that well, and was moved from the top performing class (1’s) down to the next level of students (2’s) … a confirmation that I was not good enough. I got through high school, but did not do well. I attended nursing school and quit to get married. If I had not quit I probably would have flunked out. I tell you this because I returned to college years later and in 2008 completed a Ph.D. in communication carrying a 3.8 while working full time and driving to the University of Buffalo!

What changed was the beliefs I held about myself. I worked to understand I was keeping myself stuck by holding on to old beliefs. I started to listen to the critical voice in my head and changing what it said. I also changed how I spoke about myself. Instead of saying, “How could you be so stupid,” when I said something I thought inappropriate, I looked at how I might change my behavior in the future. I also quit perfectionistic tendencies. It was through my changes that my life changed for the better.

Take time this year to identify some of the beliefs you hold about yourself that may be holding you back. Think about where the beliefs came from and if they are outdated or not true about you. If they are true, what can you do to change them and if not give them up. Find people who support you and put distance between you and people who are toxic. Work every day to do a little better and don’t expect miracles. By changing your beliefs, you can change your thoughts and behaviors to become more whole, and over time you can become whole and live a new truth.