Just Shut Up!

While enjoying a Birthday breakfast with my husband and 8-year-old grandson, I became increasingly aware of the difference between introverts and extraverts. Our young grandson is very much an introvert as well as my husband, although that might surprise many who know him. Upon entering the restaurant, we told Philip he could pick our table. His selection was the table farthest away from anyone in the far corner of the restaurant with no one sitting anywhere around. As we sat there awaiting our breakfast, I kept trying to instigate conversations with our little guy. His brief answers gave little sustenance to my extraverted personality. Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks. My grandson and the Grandpa he adores are perfectly content to sit together in silence and are very fulfilled with it. I on the other hand feel like conversation should take place and kept trying to start a conversation. Finally, I asked my husband, “When you and Phil work together do you talk a lot?” No, my husband responded. So I chose to just sit and watch much like they were and tried to quell my mild anxiety!

More information came to me when a group of 6 women chose a table close to us to celebrate a birthday, as well. As the jovial group sat down I watched my grandson’s face which clearly stated his displeasure that someone was invading his space. It was clear he was not pleased and that became even more evident when the waitress told the group of 6 that it was Philip’s birthday as well. All six enthusiastically turned and wished Philip a Happy Birthday to which he said little.

So how can extraverts who outnumber introverts live comfortably together? It starts with understanding the differences. An introvert recharges by getting together with people and interacting socially. An introvert recharges by having some time alone to recharge. I learned this years ago when my husband would come home from work and I would be ready to engage socially, and he just wanted some space. Once we made the realization of what each of us needed we shifted how we interacted. When Don came home from work, I would greet him and then he spent a few minutes alone to recharge, then he would come out and we would catch up on the day.

If you know someone who is introverted don’t assume they are shy and if you know someone extraverted do not assume they just love to party all the time. Ask people what they need, and it will be most helpful. At work, schedule time to meet with an introvert instead of just interrupting them in their office. Give them some space if that is what they need to be comfortable. As an extravert just get comfortable sitting in silence for a while or as I put it …. Just shut up. Take time to listen to each other. Do not feel you have to fill in the silence. With a little effort and consideration, both personality preferences can peacefully exist and get their needs met.